How can you divorce without harming the children?

The divorce procedure is naturally complex legally, mentally and emotionally. During this process you are parting with the way of life we have known. More so, we are not only upheaving our own lives and routine but our children's too. This being said, I will try and show a more optimistic view in this short article, by answering the question: how can I divorce and minimize the heart and harm to myself, ourselves and our loved ones.

Divorce with mediation

Mediation is a procedure done with the agreement of both parties, by a person who is a certified mediator. Unlike the judge, the mediator's job is to bridge between the couple, not to determine which one is right. His/her job is to help the couple reach a compromised agreement that they are both happy with. Mediation is an intimate, efficient and relatively not expensive procedure which aids the couple, saves them from long exhausting legal procedures in the court. I think that checking the option of mediation instead of a legal procedure is a good idea but, it is advisable to receive the correct legal consultation beforehand.To read more about mediation please refer to our article at: https://en.hhlaw.org.il/mediation/

Signing a divorce agreement

During the divorce process, the couple might disagree. In most cases, both parties will claim that they are entitled to more privileges, be it property, custody or other subjects. Reality shows that both husband and wife's rights are balanced in most subjects. Each party could be harmed from a legal ruling not in their favor, be it alimony, custody or property. That is why I strongly feel that it is advisable to try and sign a divorce contract, compromise on some of the subjects and "gain" in other subjects. A divorce agreement saved the couple form litigation which could harm both sides, cost a lot and go no for a long time.

Treat each other with respect

Respect is not a "bad" word, especially not in divorce proceedings. Sometimes, under the influence of anger, pain and disappointment form your spouse, you forget for a moment that you are not divorcing an enemy or a business partner. You are divorcing the person you married, bought a house with and had children with. Thus, the respect you feel towards him/her should not disappear when divorcing. It might very well be that the love died but the "candle" of respect should be alive at all times. When you are respectful to your spouse then, naturally, the divorce will be influenced by it and be more positive.

Be flexible during the negotiations

One of the characteristics of divorce proceedings is the urge to make things hard for the other spouse. This will could dome from the need for revenge or anger due to the other spouse's behavior, or disappointment because of the dismantling of the relationship. I feel that, in the divorce procedure, especially when negotiating the rights of each side, it is best "to come towards" the spouse and be flexible during the negotiation.  Positive behavior may maintain a good relationship between the couple in the future and might also ease the pain that goes with the divorce. This sort of behavior will cause less pain and will minimize damages, to the couple themselves and to third parties too.

Do not involve the children

One of the most common mistakes done by parents in the process of divorce is to involve the children. This action is not always done to start a dispute between the children and one of the parents, rather, it is a natural behavior, derived from the will to find favor in the eyes of the children and to be encouraged and comforted by them.At this stage, my advice is to abstain from involving the children. It is important to explain to the children that there is a divorce procedure. You can sit with the children and your spouse and explain about the dispute but in no way should you involve the children regarding misbehavior of the spouse and do not turn the children against your spouse. Such behavior harms them in the present and might do so in the future too.

To sum:

A divorce procedure is a complex, exhausting, complicated and expensive procedure. It could harm not only you but your children, who suddenly have to get used to a new, unfamiliar and complex way of life. In many case, the divorce procedure take a long period of time due to the will of the parties to make things difficult for each other. My advice, based on years of experience in representing people wanting to divorce, is to take a step back and work to make the procedure efficient so as to start a new and better stage in your life.