Ten Commandments to the betrayed

Ten important rules you need to know if you have found out that your partner is betraying you. Whether you are considering divorce or you do not want to get in to the process of divorce, alimony, custody, Shlom-Bayit, etc. – it is important to read the following recommendations:Do:

1. Start with defining your interest before you tack action, i.e. – if you have decided that the infidelity is cause enough to end your relationship and leads to divorce, a different way of action should be taken than if you have decided to rehabilitate the relationship and do whatever you can to bring your partner back in to your arms.
2. After you have defined your interest choose a way of action which will serve you in the best way. Refrain from taking action that might harm your interest and cause damage.
3. If you have decided to rehabilitate the marriage, check with your partner if he/she are inclined to rebuild the marriage. If so, go for marriage consultation as soon as you can and work to find solutions to the problems that led to the betrayal.
4. If you have decided to get a divorce get individual legal advice to check your rights and understand the implications of the divorce and if finding out about the betrayal has an effect on your rights and obligations regarding the divorce.
5. Learn to master your anger, hard feelings, impulses and words. Steps taken out of anger, pain, and need for revenge, harm and punish, might cause irreversible consequences and might oppose your interests.

Don't:

1. Don't expose the fact you know about the betrayal before you have defined your goals, planed your steps carefully and got the right consultation. Especially don't threaten with divorce, filing lawsuits of other legal procedures.
2. Don't confront your partner alone and before receiving legal consultation on the matter. It is sometimes important to collect admissible evidence regarding the betrayal, to be exposed at the time of the legal procedures and exposing knowledge about the betrayal before might hinder any attempt to document the betrayal.
3. Don't tell the children about the betrayal. Sharing the reasons for divorce with the children and exposing them to their mother's/father's deeds will definably harm them. The divorce procedure will be difficult for them as it is, protect them as much as you can.
4. Don't approach your partner's work place and inform them regarding the betrayal. Doing so will reflect poorly on you and might hinder any attempt to achieve Shlom-Bayit or reconciliation. Even if you are heading to a divorce – such a deed might cause the process to be more difficult and will hurt you (both) and your children.
5. Don't occupy yourself trying to find a motive for the betrayal or searching for ways to revenge. Try, as much as possible, to leave the betrayal behind you and to forward in to the future.

This article is not intended as legal advice and should not be relied on it as such.